MIGRANTS RUSH TO GET OUR JOBS

OAP'S TOLD: WORK OR LOSE YOUR PENSION

MILLIONS MUST WORK FOREVER

NEW BOUNCE IN HOUSING MARKET

LISA RILEY TO BLAME

SALT BANNED IN CHIP SHOPS

ALL NON-BRITISH FOODS BANNED EXCEPT IRISH POTATOS

MILLIONS FACE NEW PENSIONS DISASTER

BRUSSELS AND GERMANS SET TO ROB RETIREMENT FUNDS

HOUSE PRICES UP £297 A DAY

MUSLIMS AND SPONGERS PUSHING PRICES SKY HIGH, THOUSANDS OF WHITE BABIES STARVING IN OUT-OF-POCKET HOUSEHOLDS

and free chicken breast pieces

NOW MUSLIMS GET THEIR OWN LAWS IN BRITAIN

Muslims storm parliament and pass law to legalise halal meat

FRENCH INVADE BRITISH WATERS

Get the H.M.S. Diana on the scene, on the double.

DIANA KILLED BY FIAT DRIVER

If you know any Fiat drivers, please turn them into your local police station for banishment.